Post Welcome

Man thank's ya'll. The blog has worked out real well and has been an overnight success. But, If you're just now joinin' in on this poker table. I made a new blog so I could stay connected with my good friends while I'm away in Scottland fightin' Spanish Ninjas trained in the mystic arts for the C.I.A.

But I did forget to say something to you. Ya "You" dork face, person reading this right now. I just wanna say I love you. If I was there right now, I probably eat a giant scoop of peanut butter off a big eatin' spoon and give you a hug. And then you'd say, "Ew man. You smell like peanut butter." and then I'd say "Dude..." that's it just I just say that.

Anyways, MaMa Wu asked me to go to the store late last night about 10:30 p.m. and told me to buy some lemons and some baby back ribs... and I was like , MaMa, it's 10:30 p.m., and my mom isn't like one of those sweet moms who shakes you lightly and whispers to you to wake up after you've been napping for a little while.

She's one of those mom's who swings open the door, and then the door hits the back of the wall causing something to fall off, and she flings open the lights and screams in another freagin' language (that I sometimes can barely comprehend when I've been so tired), to get my tard tushy butt to get her some lemons.

So next thing you know I was at the neighborhood Thomas Thumb buying my MaMa Wu some lemons, peanut butter, and baby back ribs. Wait , nvm , the peanut butter was from a few paragraphs ago. It was just Lemons and Baby Back Ribs. (side note: I'm watching NASCAR right now and a commercial just came on for the hit Fox Show "24" and I just wanna say, Jack Bauer is a ninja mamn). But anyways, I was all freezing cold at the grocery store at like 11:00 p.m. at night with one very questionable Thomas Thumb employee who looked like he might've put his age as 15 years old on his job application , but was really just this hairy bum who was 34. Anyways, he straight up kept lookin' at me when I walked in and man it scared the heck out of me! His left eye had this little twiching motion going on! He looked at me as if he had what my real smart doctor friend, Dr. Benny, would call an Aneu-rysm.

Anyways, I made my way back to the frozen meats section of the store after passing by a wonderful assort-ment of fruity pebbles and always delicious cocoa puffs. And I got excited because I saw another person shoppin' in the store other than myself-- and He was a fellow NASCAR fan ! And so I proceeded to be a good citizen, and comment on his wonderfully leather Dale Earnhardt Jr. jacket. And I said,

"Hey So you like Earnhardt?...I'm a Waltrip fan." And this guy lifted up his eyebrows and just gave me this smile, like one of those faces where the person goes , "Riiiiight...." and of course being a person of a "foreign nature", I automatically gave him this look back that said,

"What...just cause I'm yellow I can't like NASCAR or somethin' Joe? I assume that's what your name is, cause that's what it says on your stupid leather jacket" and

He gave me this look back like, "yeah man...or should I say Toyota because you probably look like a supporter of Toyota being in NASCAR for the first time this year." and then I gave him this look back that was like,

"No man. I'm actually a Nissan guy, which is not in NAS-CAR any-a-way, and even then that's Japanese, and I'm 100% Made In Taiwan, you stupid fat bobblehead."

Yeeeeep...him and his ugly hairy lover walked away after that. I'm guessin' he got real scared of me when I put the look of the almost extinct siberian black panther in my eyes that I learned from Ultimate Fighting Champion Luigi Fioravanti.

Welcome

Hey Everyone, I was drivin' to work and I realized that I have A LOT of random thoughts. So I decided I'm goin' to write it ALL down. Over the life of this blog I hope you and I can become closer and learn a few things about each other that we would've never known about each other! lol QUALITY TIME with the Wu, how 'bout that?

I'm getting my mom's car oil changed, and tires rotated, (Castrol 5w-30), right now so we'll keep this short.

So you know that episode of Friends where Ross has his "Top 5" list of famous people he'd date--well I just watched that episode and said, I got to get me one of those.

So this list doesn't neccessarily mean I think they are the hottest thing around, but it just means, this is who I would pick to fit this category. Enjoy.

If I had to have a serious marriage with an actress, it'd be: Reese Witherspoon: let's just face it--I can actually bring her home to mom,I don't have to worry about walking in and seeing her with a shaved head, and you could see her driving a soccer mom car, not like a van or anything, but like the ugly little mercedes suv that all the rich soccer moms drive.

If I had to stay engaged with someone for a lifetime and never get married and live with that person in some castle in Europe. It'd be Kate Beckinsale, let's face it, is there really a better person for that.

If I had to go on a country music tour and fall in love with the person I was opening for, it'd be Jo Dee Messina...cause lets just face it..She's just a tractor beam of hotness. And who doesn't like that Bye Bye song ...

If I had to date a woman who could possibly beat the crap out of me if I messed something up, it'd be Eliza Dushku, cause she straight up acts like she's in a gang.

If I had to tell a woman on a first date what my most unfavorite commercial was it'd be that Taylor Hicks Ford Truck Commercial...I shoot him straight off the stage with a 12 guage -- I know it has nothing to do with this list--he's just annoying.

If I had to go to a Mavericks game with a woman, it'd be Eva Mendes, because she could wear a cap but at the same time say, I'm a bunch of hotness in a uncomfortable plastic stadium seat, but I'm not going to complain because I good lookin'

If I had to date a woman who was going to straight up ignore me and treat me like a piece of shoe leather...it'd be Penelope Cruz...cause let's just face it, she's just straight up mean.

If I had to have a woman change the oil in my car with Castrol 5W-30, It'd be Gretchen Wilson, because all things being real..which other woman in the celebrity world would you know, who could actually do that.

If I had to marry a car, it'd be Eleanor, because even before she goes in to get her hood done, she still looks beautiful ...

If I had to date a super model, it'd be Giselle.

If I had to date an I-talian actress, who's not that famous , it'd be Jennifer Espisoto because again...she puts the sun in my sky.

If I had to marry someone from the food network it'd be: Giada De Laurentiis, because we'd pretty much be like Brad and Jennifer , except in the kitchen and not divorced, and I can fit her in my pocket because she is the size of alex young.

If I had to date a woman who kinda frightens me, it'd be Alyssa Milano, cause I could totally picture her standing over me in the middle of the night with a knife ready to kill me because she's crazy.

If I had to bring a Gordita Taco Wrap to a celebrity i'd be Britney Spears...because she just seems like she's just having a bad day.

If I had to take a blonde to a Cowboys Game, it'd be Carrie Underwood, Jesus take the snap from Tony Romo please.